Workshop on THE WILL

I went to a worshop at Isabelle's school last night on "The Will' (as in the will of the child) and I really thought it was great. I have to admit that whilst Isabelle is at a Montossori school I don't know nearly enough about the principles as I should. I found the workshop really useful though and here are some of the notes I took. The section at the end starts to cover 'DISCIPLINE' which in itself is such a huge topic that I'm going to cover it seperately in another post.

The ‘WILL’

So what is Montessori about? And how is it different to other schools? There are a whole host of things that are different from traditional school. Here are some of them:

(1)Movement – children are not asked to sit still, based on the understanding that until the age of 6 children can’t sit still for extended periods of time anyway. They are allowed to move around in the classroom, and to the untrained eye it can look like chaos.

(2)Choice/Freedom – children are allowed to choose the work they do, that doesn’t mean that if they choose art all year, that they never learn how to write. Choice is given but also carefully monitored and recorded in notes and children are steered by trained teachers to other work to make sure they get the right exposure to the whole curriculum. It’s all about ‘like what you do and not do what you like’.

(3)Vertical grouping – children of different ages are placed in the same classroom (0-3, 3-6 etc) so that the older ones can teach the younger ones and the younger ones learn from the older ones (they seem to be more receptive to this than learning from adults)

(4)One on One teaching – teaching is done on a 1 to 1 basis with teachers going around the room and spending individual time with each child

(5)No testing – no traditional testing, testing is done, but it’s much more subtle. And teaching happens in 3 stages. For example “this is a pen’ “the pen writes’ and then “what is this?” stages of learning

(6)No correcting – if a child makes a mistake, the mistake is not pointed out, the correct thing is just repeated

(7)Purposeful work – this is all about things being appropriate for their age and size, small brooms, small chair etc

(8)Free to talk – not asked to sit in silence

(9)No punishment just natural consequences

(10)LIMITS – and with all the above come limits, eg free to talk but not shout, free to move but not run, free to choose the work but given only the right selection of choices

The WILL is defined as a driving force that makes the child want to do something. Two important things we have to accept if we are to understand the will :

(1) childen under 3 do not OBEY, if it looks like they are doing what they are told, it’s because they wanted to do it anyway. They do not obey.

(2) children under 3 can not be reasoned with. The part of the brain that allows reasoning hasn’t even developed yet

At this age they also:
1) Copy EVERYTHING whether you think they see or feel or hear it
2) Escape reality
3) Can’t control their voluntary movements

There seems to be a really fine balance between nurturing the child’s WILL without letting it run riot and not suffocating the child so that the WILL is broken. This is where the whole area of discipline opens up and its HOW you discipline your child that will determine what happens to their will.

Some of the things that are important

- No mixed messages from parents, its 6pm is bath time it has to always be bath time and not suddenly play time because dad is home from work and wants to have some play time – kids are not toys, we have to respect them. Hand in hand with this one goes UNITED front.

- They thrive on routine and things being the SAME one day to the next. This is important with what they play with too, they need to play with one toy and be allowed to repeat and repeat and repeat. It doesn’t bore them ! they thrive on this. It allows them to develop their concentration skills. What I do is take 3 toys out of the toy chest each week (and a week is the right amount of time) and leave them on the table in Isabelle’s room. Each day she has the choice which of the 3or 4 she wants to play with. With their toys you can leave out 3 or 4 things for them to choose from but usually when you give a toddler choice its TWO things, ‘would you like to wear the blue shoes or red shoes’ ‘ would you like banana or apple’.

- Don’t use NO so often that you desensitize them to it, use it carefully so that when you do and you mean it they will know it

- let them be creative and let them discover, as long as they are safe don't do EVERYTHING for them, let them work it out for themselves

This isn't even the tip of the iceburge, it's really just a taster. There was a lot more on discipline and I've decided to cover it in a different post

Your Party? Baby's Party

Your baby's 1st birthday party is a really big deal, specially for baby #1, and you know what, even for baby #2; and since I don't have a #3 I can't really say, but for me the novelty of it or how special it was, hadn't worn off. Last weekend Sebastien turned 1 and I wanted to make as big a deal about it. In some respects I made an even bigger deal because this time around I myself had not only experienced doing it once before for Isabelle, but had also been a guest at several parties in the last 2 years and learnt a lot of tips.

So do you throw a party for the kids or for the grown-ups? I think it depends on who you know. If you're lucky enough to have had your baby at the same time as your friends, then it's a no brainier. If you were lucky enough to meet lots of mothers at your antenatal classes, managed to stay in touch, started a play group together, or went to lots of activities during the week with other mums....then it's also pretty easy. BUT if you live in HK and found that usually helpers go to the play dates or activities (ie no mums there to meet) or if you work like me, then really the party is pretty much about the adults, as you may not know any other kids the same age.

I decided to invite about 12-15 of my good friends. Of course they come with other halves and with their kids. The difficulty in this approach is that now you have several different audiences to keep happy. The adults and then kids who are of a wider age range than if you had just 1 yr olds. I was dealing with 5mth through to 6yrs. So I decided to split them (and my apartment) into 3 groups/ares. The balcony and the living room area near it for the adults, the main living room/ dining room area for the 0-3 and the outdoor playground grass area for the 3-6 (sounding a bit Montessori I know!).

I removed most of the furniture in my livingroom/dining room and covered the wooden floor with play mats. I lined up lots of toys around the edges and when the toddlers arrived they were all distracted by something different. I had a little table with books and colouring for the older kids and even a soft padded area and playpen for the babies.

For the 0-3 I called on Kindermusik by Catherine
www.kateskids.com.hk
They were great. They sent a lovely lady over (Chinese but raised in Scotland) with a lound fun voice. She gathered the babies and toddlers in a cirlce and sang songs, played music instruments, blew bubbles and played with a parachute. They LOVED it.

For the 3-6 I called on JOSE the magician
www.birthdays.hk
He was really good and the adults even got into it. They were outside in the playground on the grass with picnic blankets laid out for them.

RELISH did the food and wine (aminly for the adults but for the kids too) and they really are fantastic, the quality of canapes and salads is great; they come along with waitors and a chef that assembles everything on site. It was so smoothly and seamlessly done.
www.relish-kitchen.com

and of course the MIKEY MOUSE cake and cupcakes - thank you to Complete Deelite who I have used for a few years now, they do fantastic cakes and cupcakes, their 3D ones are really very well done!
http://completedeelite.com/v2/

For the invites I always use Progressive Press. Steve and Bonnie there are brilliant, they took care of EVERYTHING for my weddings (invites, table names, table menus, church programs you name it). I've used them since for the kids Christenings and birthdays. They always do a really professional job
bonnie@progressivepress.com.hk

For the going away gifts (as well as themed paper cups and plates) I like to use Toys Club on Duddell Street (13th floor I think in Baskerville House). They have a special section for going home gifts.

Complete Deelite did the helium filled ballons (life size Mikey plus lots of normal ones too)

All in all it took a fair bit of planning - whilst also working - but everyone, specially the kids had a fantastic time. AND MY SON IS NOW ONE